In November 1833, after the Duke had been informed there were enemy troops in Asseiceira and although the men in the absolutist army greatly outnumbered us, he decided to launch an attack on them, for we were not far from there and the Duke was expecting reinforcements from the capital. For the Duke, the element of surprise was crucial, so we set up camp at considerable distance from the absolutist troops. It was night when we finished. The next morning, when I woke up and peeked through the opening in the shelter, I thought a miracle had happened. Most of the camp was still sleeping but Diogo was already awake and he too, just like all the others who were awake, were looking at same thing that I was with the same expression of someone who thought was having a vision. Throughout the camp, some five or six girls were bringing us food and fresh water but, more importantly, they were bringing their smiles, their lightness, their innocence. «What is going on here», the sergeant asked one of them. «Who are you and what are you doing?» «Don’t worry», replied the girl, dark haired and with proud demeanour. «We are nurses and are used to dealing with soldiers. We too want to help the cause. We knew you were coming and came to bring you food and water to drink». «Well, I’m sure the soldiers are very grateful, but you must go, now. This is no place for you». «Don’t be angry, we want to help», she said without any signs of being intimidated by the sergeant’s tone. «Oh, really? Do I look like I’m crazy? You think I’m gonna let a bunch of women fight?»
Diogo, me and some of the other young men were watching in amusement the contrast between the girl’s composure and the annoyed tone of the sergeant. «We’re not here to fight. We are here as nurses and live in that convent over there. Unfortunately, not even that sanctuary has been spared. We suffered an attack two days ago».
We looked in the direction she was pointing and saw the building. It stood on elevated ground and so we thought it wouldn’t be easy for the wounded to get there, especially because we were short of horses to carry them. But it was better than nothing and the girls seemed so willing to help that we felt truly glad that they were there. «The Sisters take the wounded in and we help take care of them», the girl completed. The sergeant did not reply and turned away. As he was withdrawing, he was still grumbling: «Women in the army! That was all we needed...»
We had been so amused listening to the conversation between the sergeant and the girl that we hardly noted the other girls, but when he turned his back, I noticed one who, even from a distance, seemed familiar to me. Her luminous hair and the graceful way she moved left no place for doubt. «That girl...», I said to Diogo. «It’s Maria da Luz!» Diogo looked in the direction where my eyes were fixed. «By God!...» he exclaimed. «It really is your sister! But what’s that angel doing amidst the hell of war?»
I didn’t waste time thinking about the answer and ran to her, followed by Diogo. Luz was startled when she saw two soldiers running towards her but she soon recognized her brother and her childhood friend. «Pedro! Diogo! At last, I found you! I was about to give up hope...» «What do you mean? Have you been looking for us? Where is your husband?» Luz lowered her eyes as if embarrassed, but there was no sadness in her expression. «I didn’t get married», she said. «You were right, Pedro. I couldn’t marry a man I didn’t love. Besides, I realized that he too would shun you for being a liberal and if I could tolerate that in Father, I could not do it with the man with whom I was going to share my life. I told you once that the sacrifice wouldn’t be so great because although I didn’t love Álvaro, I also didn’t love anyone else and so I wouldn’t have to forsake my own will. But I was unknowingly lying». «You mean there is someone in your heart?», I asked. «There has always been. I was just too blind to see what my heart was striving to show me». «And who is he?»
Luz could not help but to glance at Diogo as she replied: «Don’t hold it against me, brother; or you, Diogo, my good friend. But the secrets of a woman’s heart should remain secret until...» «Until someone unveils them», Diogo completed. «Yes, that’s it», my sister admitted. «And how did Álvaro react when you told him you were going to break the engagement?» «Not very well. The last time I saw him, I slapped his face...» «Did that scoundrel disrespect you?» Diogo asked, rising with his fists clenched and his face red with anger. I myself was sure that whatever Álvaro had said or done, it must have been very serious to make my sister, usually of such mild temperament, loose her temper like that. «No, he didn’t disrespect me. At least, not in the way you’re thinking».
Luz took a deep breath and prepared herself to tell us the whole story. We were sitting in the puffy grass, just as we used to do in the Roseiral when we were children. «When Father asked me if I would accept to marry Álvaro, I did indeed ponder saying yes, but I asked for a few days to think about it. It was more or less at that time that I sent the letter to Aunt Francisca’s house to let you know. I ended up saying no, but Father swore that if I didn’t, he would hunt you down, and you too, Diogo. That he would find you both and have you arrested for treason. It wouldn´t be hard, in the middle of this war. He said he would spare your life because he wouldn’t want to go through the shame of seeing his son hang, but that he wouldn’t be so lenient with Diogo». «What a scoundrel!...» «No, Pedro, that’s not true! He didn’t mean anything he said. He said it to scare me, to make me accept Álvaro. And he did, especially because meanwhile the siege of Oporto happened and I was afraid that he indeed had the power to hurt you. But we soon started hearing that the siege was a lost battle for the miguelites. I was happy because that meant Father wouldn’t be able to reach you so easily and meanwhile, I overheard a conversation between Father and Álvaro and found out that not only Álvaro knew about his threats but he had offered to fulfil them himself. I started to feel deep hatred against Álvaro who claimed to love me and yet cared so little about my feelings; against Father, who felt he had the right to control my life; against the fanatic absolutism of both of them...
«One evening, when we were already in Aunt Francisca’s house, Álvaro came to have dinner with us and I said in front of everyone that I had decided to break the engagement; that I had only accepted such a thing under threat but I no longer needed to be afraid because the siege had been lifted and I would find you before they did and stop you from falling in their traps. I even told him that I hated him and that I could no longer call Father to someone who had the courage to hunt down his own son, my brother, and a childhood friend of both his children. I said so many things that I thought he was going to hit me for the first time in my life, but instead... he started crying». «Crying?! D. José Ávila?» It had never crossed my mind that my Father’s eyes had the ability to shed one single tear. «Like a child», Luz confirmed. «He became very red, started to choke, gasping for air... I thought he was going to die. Aunt Francisca and Álvaro helped him and carried him to his room, while I stayed in the dining room, feeling guilty for having said all those terrible things.
«While the doctor that Aunt Francisca sent for was watching Father, Álvaro came to throw insulting words at me for having broken my word. I didn’t think that what he was saying deserved an answer and so I kept silent, but when he said that if Father died it would be my fault, and that he would be at the funeral just to make me feel even more deeply guilty, I couldn’t restrain myself and slapped him. He left without saying another word, but I could see his contempt in his eyes». «You shouldn’t worry about that. You don’t need the judgement of a man who didn’t respect your feelings in order to feel respect for yourself. You didn’t do anything dishonest». «I know, my good Diogo», my sister replied, taking his hand. «That wasn’t what worried me, but my Father’s health. After the doctor had left, Father asked Aunt Francisca to call me to his room and leave us alone. He then swore that he had never really intended to have you locked up and even though he still bore a grudge against you, Diogo, he wouldn’t think about hunting you down either, because you were so dear to both his children. He admitted that all threats were only intended to make me marry Álvaro». «But how did you end up in Asseiceira after all?» Diogo asked. «Did you run away from D. José?» «No, Diogo. I didn’t run away from D. José. It was D. José who forced me to leave, just as he had done before with Pedro». «For having refused to marry Álvaro», I gathered. «Yes, exactly». «It looks like he still hasn’t learned that he can’t force everybody to live according to his will». «After admitting that his threats had never been truthful, he said I had dishonoured him, for he had promised my hand to Álvaro and I was stopping him from keeping his word. He said that despite everything, it had been easier with you. That his dishonour had not been as great because at least, you were no longer living under the same roof. He also said that he wouldn’t kick me out as he had done to you because he thought it would be too cruel for a girl, but that he no longer considered me his daughter. I felt deeply hurt and told him I didn’t intend to continue living with him. Once again, Aunt Francisca was very generous and offered to let me live with her until I married the husband of my choosing, but at that time, Father was there too and the atmosphere became too heavy. Besides, I started witnessing the atrocities committed by the absolutists and I too felt the desire of seeing your cause triumph.
«They needed people in the hospital of Oporto and since they were accepting women, I volunteered, although at that time I was still living at Aunt Francisca’s. Then, camp hospitals started to appear and I have been in several of them, always hoping and yet dreading to find you». «Dreading?» «Can you imagine how many men I saw die in hospital beds in the last two years? I didn’t know what would be worse: never to see you again or see you die in my arms». «Is it true that your hospital has been attacked?» «Yes», she said, clenching her hands and squeezing her lips in an expression of hate. It was the first time I saw that kind of feeling take over my sister and I realized then that the war had also destroyed part of her innocence. «We take care of the wounded from both sides and even some civilians. Two days ago, in the morning, a group of soldiers invaded the convent and started killing people at random. They looked deranged... I don’t even think they were obeying orders from their officers. The Sisters have been spared but they killed people who couldn’t even move. And some of the girls died too».
And with a desperate sob, Luz exclaimed, as tears rolled down her cheeks: «They were my friends! I didn’t know it hurt so much!» «Poor Luz», I exclaimed, as I put my arms around her. «I know exactly how you feel...»
Diogo put his hand over the hand of Maria da Luz. «I know it doesn’t take the pain away», he said. «But never forget that their deaths were heroic. As much so as the deaths of the soldiers who have fallen in the battlefield in these last few years».
Finally, Luz seemed a little calmer. She took a handkerchief from the pocket of her dark green dress and dried her tears. «You are a brave woman, my sister», I said, and I couldn’t help but feel a certain pride. «All of you are». «Yes, but after that incident, most of the girls returned home. The ones you saw are the ones who had their homes destroyed by war and the ones whose families don’t want them back, like me or Eugénia, who you saw talking to your sergeant. She married a liberal against her family’s wishes and the next day, he was murdered by a gang of absolutists». «And even now that she is a widow, her family won’t take her back?» «To her family, she doesn’t count any more than you or I to D. José Ávila».
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