The day we were eager for came almost a month after we had arrived in the island. One Friday morning, Diogo was already finishing combing his hair and I had just prepared the water to wash my face when someone knocked on our bedroom door. Interrupting what I was doing, I went to answer. D. Rita was at the door with a pile of about twenty letters in her hands, of which she took out the two top ones. «I believe this letters are for you», she said.
Unable to articulate a single word, I accepted the two envelopes that D. Rita was handing to me. «It looks like you’ll both have your chance sooner than you expected». «Thank you, D. Rita».
And the owner of the inn continued her chore of distributing the mail around the guests.
«Is that what I think it is?», Diogo asked.
I was so thrilled I hadn’t even closed the door. Diogo’s voice called me back to reality.
«It looks like it, by the stamp on it».
I handed to Diogo the envelope with his name on it, and barely able to control my anxiety enough to articulate my fingers, I opened the one addressed to me. It was the so eagerly awaited call to join the count’s troops. We knew he would be recruiting new soldiers, for he had suffered heavy casualties and as always, we hoped we’d be among those men. But when the summons finally arrived, we could hardly believe it. Although we had all weekend ahead of us, we packed and made arrangements for our departure on that very same day.
When we went downstairs, we noticed there was a feeling of connection between all those who had been summoned. And neither Diogo nor I were immune to that feeling. On those who once again would stay behind, there was maybe a tinge of jealousy, but it was definitely not enough to erase all the pride and solidarity towards those who were leaving.
On Sunday afternoon, D. Rita offered lunch to all her guests. That’s how it was whenever there were men leaving for war the next day. The warmth shown by all those who would stay was so great that despite our enormous will to fight, it almost made us regret that we were leaving.
However, the next morning, when the other guests were still sleeping, Diogo and I took our luggage and went downstairs. Some soldiers were already talking to D. Rita, getting ready to go. «Good morning», I greeted. «Good morning», replied our fellows in arms. «Ready to leave?» «Yes, but first we need to pay what we owe to D. Rita». «We already took care of that. Did you rent horses for the journey?» «Yes». «Then we can go together. We’ll wait for you». «Good».
We settled our accounts with D. Rita and the kind lady assured: «Don’t you worry about your rooms. Nobody will occupy them while you’re away. Just come back save and sound». «Don’t worry», Diogo said to her. «We’ll kick those miguelites asses before they can even aim at us».
We said goodbye to D. Rita and joined our companions who were already waiting on the back of their horses. We travelled four days and four nights before we arrived in the camp mentioned in the summons. It took us some time to locate it because although the instructions were accurate, it was so well camouflaged that it was not easy to spot. Finally, hidden in the trees, we found the soldiers. They were scattered around the camp; some living in the open, others in improvised shelters made of materials provided by nature. There were also a few tents, which we assumed belonged to the officers.
My companions and I headed to the camp at a walk but a warning shot immediately made us stop and spooked Diogo’s horse, which neighed and pranced but eventually calmed down as he heard Diogo’s reassuring voice. «We’re with you!», I shouted. «We have orders to join this company». «Don’t come any closer until I say otherwise», yelled the sentinel who had approached us.
Obeying seemed like the wisest thing to do, so we waited calmly for the soldier to come to us. As he got closer he seemed to notice that indeed we were wearing the liberal uniform and that seemed to reassure him, but still he said: «Let me see your summons».
We all searched our pockets and delivered the five pieces of paper to the soldier. «All’s in order. Sorry about the not so warm welcome but you can never be too careful». «We understand», Diogo replied. «I hope all the sentinels are equally zealous». «You better go see the Captain. I’ll take you to his tent. Are those horses yours?» «No, they’re rented». «I’ll have them returned to their owners, then». «Thank you».
The soldier motioned to the other sentinels that he would be right back and led us to the Captain’s tent. When we got in, we were all speechless. Our Captain was none other than Rodrigo! He didn’t seem any less surprised to see us. He ordered the sentinel to get back to his post and then he said: «So you’re part of the new reinforcements?» «Yes, here are the summons».
But Rodrigo didn’t even look at the five pieces of paper. He still seemed surprised that he had been sent the same soldiers he knew from D. Rita’s inn. Addressing all of us but especially me, whose behaviour had always been immaturely impatient, he said: «Well, it won’t be long now before you’ll have the chance to give your blood for D. Pedro. We were attacked by miguelites a week ago and suffered heavy losses. They are aware of our vulnerability and they probably won’t take long to take advantage of that to attack again. I just hope all the reinforcements I requested will be here before that happens...»
Rodrigo went on to tell us details about the battle fought a week ago and I couldn’t help feeling a bit selfish for, deep down, wishing that I had arrived sooner so that I could be in the shoes of those braves who had lost their lives for the liberal cause. Next, he assigned us to our posts and declared: «I advise you to build a shelter, for nights are pretty extreme. But don’t do anything that will attract the absolutists’ attention».
Life as soldiers sometimes presented us with adventures that were at one time dangerous and fun, but almost always also very sad, for it wasn’t rare to lose friends in battle.
The orders to attack, but mostly the voice of the sentinel announcing there were enemy troops approaching, caught us almost always by surprise and the fighting, the infernal sound of the shooting, the sight of lifeless bodies on both sides and the speed with which we were forced to think and act in order to advance on the enemy safely enough not to get hit were physically and mentally exhausting. However, the close proximity with death connected us and created bonds so strong that we would all be capable of giving our lives to save the lives of others.
The first battle in which Diogo, I and our three travelling companions – Tiago, Henrique and Guilherme – took part, happened only three days after our arrival and although, for the reasons stated by Rodrigo, we were already expecting an attack from the miguelites, it wasn’t without awe that we watched them approach.
Taking advantage of the weakness of our company, the enemy launched a truceless attack on us which started at dawn and didn’t end until nightfall, for despite everything, the advantage the absolutists had on us wasn’t so great that it would pay to keep fighting through the night in a place that we knew better then they did. So, after a bloody struggle, the enemy retreated.
As the fight unfolded and we shot against the enemy, Diogo, who together with some of our soldiers was in a better position to advance on the enemy than I was, exclaimed: «I’ll try to get a little closer. Pedro, cover us!»
It was the first time that Diogo didn’t call me “sir”! Finally, we were no longer the nobleman and the servant, the son of the boss and the son of the maid. Now, more than friends, we were truly brothers. Brothers in arms!
Right on that first battle, we lost Henrique. Guilherme and Tiago – united to Henrique by bonds of friendship as strong as those that united me to Diogo – were terribly shaken up, but for me the shock was too great so that I could comfort them.
The bodies of those who died in action – if we weren’t forced to leave the place to save those still living – were sent home to their families, except in the case of those who had no family or who, like me, had been rejected by them. But none of these last cases applied to Henrique. Tiago, Guilherme, Diogo and I arranged everything so that Henrique’s family would receive their son’s body and give proper burial to a man who, in his prime, had lost his life the first time he had stepped into a battleground, in defence of such a noble and just cause.
After all was taken care of, and after we had done our duty helping other soldiers in the same situation, Diogo searched for words that would somehow ease Guilherme and Tiago’s pain but I was incapable of controlling my own emotions and so I withdrew into our shelter made of boughs and branches.
Even today I still can’t find the words to accurately describe what I was feeling when that first battle ended. All day long, the noise had resonated in my head like thunder. The lifeless bodies, the blood, the pain, the suffering, again made me experience the same nausea I had felt when I saw the outcome of the cruelty of the absolutists scattered through the streets on the day when Diogo and I were arrested.
When Henrique was hit, Guilherme and Tiago rushed to rescue him. Diogo and I were too far away but that wasn’t the reason why I did nothing to help him.
When someone dies of disease or because their time on this world ran out, their departure always causes deep sadness on those who remain, but that is the natural order of things and even if that person is so dear to us that it seems impossible to keep living without them, we always end up accepting it, even if not understanding it. But when a young man like Henrique, full of live, full of hopes and plans, is stripped of his existence by some murderous bullet, something in this world must be deeply wrong.
I couldn’t force myself to believe that Henrique was dead. Some strange tightness oppressed my chest and rendered me incapable of any movement. For a few seconds, all of my body, and also my mind, must have been paralysed, for I remember awaking up from a physical and mental stupor as I heard Diogo shouting: «Pedro, pay attention! Do you want to get hit?»
Now that the fight was over, all I could feel was that I didn’t know how to feel. I don’t know how long I was alone in our shelter. It may have been minutes, it may have been hours before Diogo came in.
«I tried to lift their spirits a bit but I think they prefer to be alone right now».
I couldn’t find anything appropriate to answer him. I was gritting my teeth in anger, not so much against the enemy but against my own weakness.
«Are you alright?», Diogo asked.
«It could have been you... It could have been me...»
Diogo sat down on the earthen ground that was our only furniture. «And possibly some day it will be us. You knew that before you left the Roseiral». «Yes, I knew it... It’s not that I regret being here. It’s not fear of death – of my death – that torments me. But when I think about what Tiago and Guilherme must be feeling right now... I just can’t believe that it could have been me to lose a friend who is more than a brother to me. If that happened, I would hate myself forever!» «Hate yourself? Why?» «Because I was the one who wanted our involvement in this war. I caused us to be expelled from the Roseiral when I angered my Father and I ended up sealing your fate together with mine». «I can’t believe you really mean what you’re saying! You mustn’t think, even for a second, that I wouldn’t be as involved in this war as I am if it wasn’t for you, because that’s not true. My commitment as a liberal, I owe it to my Father’s memory and I owe it to my own conscience. And you think I don’t also think about the grief that your death would cause not only to me but also to Maria da Luz, to my Mother and even to D. José Ávila? Don’t take this as a sign that my friendship is any less sincere than yours but although your loss would cause me immense suffering, I am ready to accept it. And you must also be ready to accept mine».
Unlike what Diogo might have feared, I didn’t gather from his words that his friendship was any less great than the one I had always known. «I know you’re right», I said. «But I can’t be as noble as you are».
I realised the irony in what I had just said. «You should have been the son of D. José Ávila», I said. «There’s more nobility in your soul than there will ever be in my blood».
Diogo was going to reply but our attention turned to the Captain, who had just come in our shelter.
Rodrigo had a bullet wound on his shoulder and his face was a bit paler than usual, but it didn’t look too serious.
«I spoke with Guilherme and Tiago», he said. «I know nothing can take away the pain of a friend’s death, especially if he died on his first day of battle. But remember that Henrique, like all those who fell for the Charter today, died a hero».
«We know that», Diogo said.
Rodrigo sighed sadly as he sat down. «Is it serious?», Diogo asked, looking at the wounded shoulder. «No, it’s just a scratch. But I’m exhausted. I too lost old friends today».
The serenity with which our Captain uttered those words sent shivers through my spine but I soon realised it wasn’t callousness. Just a great military soul who had learned not to let his emotions interfere with his duty.
On the days that followed, Rodrigo thought about changing the location of our camp, for the enemy knew about our present situation and the arrival of reinforcements seemed to be taking forever.
However, the absolutists too had suffered heavy casualties and besides, it would be difficult to inform the soldiers who were probably on their way to join us about the new location.
In effect, the decision not to move ended up proving favourable to us, for we did not sustain any enemy attacks for weeks and in the meantime, the new soldiers arrived.
Despite everything though, Rodrigo dared not think about launching an attack on the miguelites without first being sure that all casualties had been replaced. And in less than five weeks, our company was invincible again.
Our major problem however, would not be defeating the absolutists who were already in the islands, for there they were still outnumbered.
Our most difficult task was preventing the arrival of new enemy troops in the only point in the country still not contaminated by Absolutism.
It’s tempting to portray myself and my fellows in arms as invincible heroes who never knew defeat. But the reality is quite different, and out of respect for all who fought in this war, that is what I must tell.
We fought for what was right and just, and we won the war, but many defeats prevented us from forgetting how human we were.
A lot of times we were forced to change the location of our camp, when we knew the enemy had the advantage on us and we expected an attack at any moment. I learned, like Rodrigo and Diogo, to control my feelings. And shortly after the first fights I stopped feeling that nausea that had taken over me right on the first battle. However, I could never truly love the war, as I believe was the case of some soldiers who turned from good militaries into cruel murderers. All I could love – and I did – was the cause, the greater freedom and justice that the Charter would bring and in the name of all those things, I could sacrifice my life and even the lives of those who were an obstacle to that. Diogo, however, with all the nobility of soul that I always found in him, and which I hope I shared at least in some measure, regretted the deaths of even those he was forced to kill in order to save his own life.
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