We would spend months sleeping on the earthen ground, inside our shelters or sometimes even in the open.
Whenever the so eagerly awaited leaves came, we’d leave for the IlhaBela Inn, but the despair of not knowing what was happening to our men was even greater than the one of risking our lives and so we anxiously waited for the end of our two or three days rest so that we could join our company again.
It was never my intention, when I took upon me to write this book, to give an accurate description of all the battles we engaged in, not only because it would be boring for the reader but also very painful for me. But I could not finish the account of our adventures in Terceira Island without at least mentioning that glorious fight which all liberals keep in their memory and which was fought under the hot sun of August.
Feeling the need to concentrate his troops, the Count of Vila Flor ordered several units to join his own and Rodrigo’s was one of them. It was under the command of the count himself that we were finally able to show the absolutists that to keep trying to take the island would be a waste of time and lives. But that doesn’t mean victory was easy. Despite everything, it would not be fair to diminish the valour of the soldiers who fought for D. Miguel. That day cost us many men too, among them Tiago, and we almost lost Rodrigo. The miguelites, however, never fully gave up trying to spread their rule to archipelago too. And although after that battle everything became easier for us, we still had to keep fighting in order to defend that territory.
During the time we spent in the Azores, communication with Luz became almost impossible. After the letter that Diogo and I sent, informing my sister and my friend’s Mother that we had been summoned to fight, we rarely had any opportunity to send news and less still to receive them.
And so three years went by in which we sent only three letters and got none. I assumed Luz was already married and I wondered if she was happy next to the man that my Father had chosen to be her husband.
I knew Diogo also thought about Maria da Luz but his words never betrayed his thoughts and we rarely spoke about it.
Around the end of 1831, rumours started to spread among the soldiers that D. Pedro might be abroad and preparing a fleet with which he would finally defeat his brother, D. Miguel.
From one side, we’d hear that he was in France; from the other, that he would be coming from England, but all unanimously claimed that it would be from Terceira that he would finally head for the mainland and that a lot of people who, like Diogo and I, had been forced to exile, would at last return to their homeland as heroes, next to His Majesty.
For the joy of us all, those rumours proved to be true and in February of the next year, D. Pedro, followed by an imposing fleet, landed on the island.
For a moment, as we watched the vessels approaching, we took them for the enemy and got ready to open fire. However, already aware that D. Pedro would be arriving at any moment, we dared not shoot until we were sure. As the ships came nearer we could in fact see that those were not enemy vessels and as if to confirm it, the serene but imposing figure of D. Pedro IV, standing on the bow of one of the ships, warmly cast his eyes on the island that loomed ever closer, like a son who had been apart from his motherland for a long time.
«It’s His Majesty!», one of the soldiers exclaimed and immediately fell to his knees.
Out of respect, we all did the same.
With the arrival of D. Pedro, I felt the same pride with which I used to shout the values of Liberalism even before I had left the Roseiral being reborn within me. And it was such a powerful feeling that although pleasant, it was as if my chest was about to explode.
During the months that D. Pedro spent in the archipelago, organizing his troops and preparing the landing on the mainland, we the soldiers lived through moments of great anxiety.
We knew His Majesty intended to add more soldiers to his fleet and that since he hadn’t had the chance of witnessing the performance of each of us in the resistance against the miguelite power, he would have to rely on the advice of the officers. Diogo and I spent many hours wondering if Rodrigo would deem us worthy of D. Pedro’s fleet. What we feared the most, however, was that only one of us was chosen and we would eventually lose touch. But when some of our fellows in arms expressed the opinion that if Rodrigo chose wisely both Diogo and I would be among the first onboard, we started to feel hopeful.
If Rodrigo did chose wisely or not I cannot say. At least in what concerns me, for of Diogo I can say, without fear of lying, that he was one of the best soldiers I ever saw in action. But the fact is we’d both be part of D. Pedro’s fleet.
When we left, it was already the beginning of summer and the weather was favourable to navigation.
Our life onboard the frigate Lua Nova[1] was not entirely different from the one we had experienced on the battlefields. Everyday we were briefed on the landing, on what to expect from the absolutists and on how to respond. The greatest difference was that we had no need to fire our weapons, but still, the fear of an enemy attack on the fleet caused the atmosphere to be of war.
Routine was strict and disobedience severely punished. Nevertheless, I can proudly say that it was not the fear of punishment but the will to be loyal to the King that made it all go smoothly.
We had our strictly rationed meals together and only upon orders from the officers.
Among the soldiers, relationships had crossed the barrier of cordiality and become fraternal. If before we had been united in the defence of the Charter, now, an almost unshakable belief in our victory brought us even closer.
It was during that voyage that one of the soldiers nicknamed me “our king”, an epithet that stuck with me until the end of those fighting years. One day, as that soldier asked my name and found out it was Pedro, he exclaimed: “Pedro! Just like our King!” I couldn’t help smiling to myself as I realized the irony, for if my Father had anticipated the future that D. Pedro had in store for Portugal, he would certainly not have given his name to his son.
However, I thought it wise not to disclose that to my liberal friends. But from that day, the nickname stuck.
The spirit of connection during the voyage extended even from boat to boat. If a vessel passed by another, it was not uncommon for the soldiers to greet each other by shouting and waving.
The subject that most frequently dominated our conversations was the landing and the way it would happen. Some were of the opinion that the miguelites would not let us land but D. Pedro would not allow the fleet to go back, so we would have to engage D. Miguel’s troops. But the most widespread opinion among the soldiers – maybe because we were naive, maybe because we were excessively proud about the cause – was that not only D. Miguel would end up handing the throne to the rightful heir of D. João but the people would welcome us as heroes, ready to give their own lives to defend us against any attacks from the absolutists.
Reality, unfortunately, would prove quite different. On land, D. Miguel’s troops awaited us. From the attempts we made to solve the issue through words, none was successful. The idea of surrender seemed humiliating to say the least. And despite all intimidations from D. Miguel’s army, we ended up landing on the same day that we arrived.
We had been warned to expect anything and to be prepared for everything that the absolutists might have in store for us. Possibly, many men would fall and each of us wondered if he or someone very close would be among them. But knowing that if the absolutist troops – in greater number and better position – held a massacre against liberal troops and civilians, the men in D. Pedro’s fleet, more than heroes, would become martyrs (and that those that did survive would not allow their death to be in vain) gave us an almost suicidal courage to step out of the boats before the absolutist threat.
However, against all expectation, there were no guns fired during the landing. Both sides watched each other carefully, as if only looking for an excuse to open fire on the enemy. But the greatest surprise was not when we realised they were not going to attack us. It was when we heard a miguelite officer ordering them to retreat.
«Look!», Diogo exclaimed, «They’re retreating!»
I remember that an almost unbroken silence descended upon the liberals. Diogo, me and the rest of the liberal army watched motionlessly as the enemy troops retreated. It was as if whatever was making them retreat was some kind of magic spell and we were afraid to break it. When we finally allowed ourselves to believe it was not a trap and that the enemy troops had really stopped trying to prevent us from entering the mainland, the happiness among the soldiers took the form of enthusiastic embraces, and among the officers, of handshakes and mutual congratulations. When the officers finally managed to impose order among the troops, we received new orders.
Since night was approaching, we would rest on the beach and only the next day would we march towards Oporto city. Exhausted as we were from the journey and from all those emotions, the sand, far from feeling uncomfortable, felt like the best mattress we had ever slept on. We fell asleep hanging on to our weapons as if to our own lives. It was a light soldier’s sleep, the sleep of someone who is ready to shoot at the first suspicious sound or movement.
When I woke up it was still dawn. In the sky, the first hints of light were showing but some stars were still visible. Since the others were still asleep, I enjoyed the silence, closed my eyes and listened to the sea.
A sound caught my attention. It sounded like someone walking on the sand. I thought it might be some early rising seagull but as I turned around I saw the figure of a woman coming towards me in rapid steps, holding her dress so it wouldn’t drag through the beach.
It was still dark and the figure had her head covered in a hood, so I couldn’t see her face. I wondered who that girl was. Maybe some soldier’s wife who hadn’t seen her husband in months and hearing that he was there, had come to look for him.
But the figure was definitely coming towards me, ever faster, almost running now, until she reached me, uncovered her head and looked at me with eyes bluer than the skies above us our the sea in front me. Her lips were ajar in a light smile, her chest heaving from the run and certainly from the emotion. It was a woman more mature and grave than the young girl I had left behind but her eyes still twinkled with innocence.
«Luz!», I exclaimed, almost in a whisper, after seconds of overpowering emotion. «Pedro...», she whispered, her voice failing almost as if she was about to cry.
And we fell on each other’s arms, ceaselessly uttering each other’s name as if we couldn’t believe that we were in fact together. «Luz...» «Pedro... Pedro...» «Luz... It really is you!», I exclaimed, finally letting her go. «You’re so grown up... You’re a woman, but it’s you... you!» «Pedro, I thought I’d never see you again...»
Only then I realised how unusual it was that Maria da Luz should be there in Oporto, among the liberal soldiers. Suddenly panicking, I asked: «Luz, what are you doing here? Did something happen?»
Maria da Luz looked sadly down. «We had to sell the manor. There was no money any more... Father said the manor was too big just for us but I know he’d never sell our family’s house if he didn’t need the money. Anyway, we’re staying at Aunt Francisca’s for now».
I felt angry. Although the Roseiral hadn’t been my home in a long time, it was still a home that I loved. And I knew that if my Father had swallowed his pried and made an effort, with work and dedication, he could have kept it.
But what exasperated me the most was the fact that my sister had been caught in his stubbornness. «Yesterday», Luz continued, «Aunt Francisca and I were working on some embroidering in the leaving room when Father came in with a really dark expression. He had heard that a group of liberals had come from the islands and landed on the beach. My first thought was that maybe you were with them... Last night, after Aunt Francisca locked the door, I waited for her to fall asleep and I managed do get the key. Today I left at dawn so that nobody would see me and... here I am!»
We gazed at each other once more, happy despite all the hardships because we were together again.
«Come on», I suggested, «let’s sit closer to the sea». «And Diogo?», she asked. «He’s still asleep. I’ll wake him up».
And I was going to get up but she held my arm and made me sit again.
«No, not yet. First tell me about your lives».
There was an expression that I couldn’t understand on her face. It felt like she was trying to avoid Diogo and although I didn’t realize why, her eyes seemed to plead with me in such a way that I sat down again. «We defended the islands against the miguelite power», I sad in answer to her question. «For the first time I learned what’s like to see your friends die... One after the other...» «I was so afraid for the two of you... I still am». «There’s no need. I’m here, safe and sound. And so is Diogo». «Yes, but for how long? I don’t want to upset you but nobody really believes that you can win and if you lose, it will be either prison or death». «I believe in our victory», I retorted. «We all do. Have a good look at these men, Maria da Luz», I said, pointing to the soldiers sleeping on the sand. «Do you think there’s even one who doesn’t believe?»
There was a moment of silence between us and we both gazed at the horizon. The sky was getting lighter now, shapes were easily distinguishable and in the point where the sea and sky met, some strokes of orange were beginning to give colour to new day. «And Father?», I asked, still with my eyes on the horizon. «I think that all the hate that he feels for the liberals will eventually destroy him». «Does he still hate me?» «It’s so hard to really know what goes on inside his heart... Since you left he has never mentioned your name or allowed anyone to mention it around him. But I think that deep down, what he really wants more than anything is to forgive you».
Oddly enough, the fact that my Father wished to “forgive” an action in which I saw only dignity didn’t annoy me as it would have four years ago. «Despite everything», I said, «I wish he wouldn’t hate me». «To tell you the truth, I think he hates himself because he could never manage to stop loving you». «Is Cecília with you?», I asked, for after the selling of the Roseiral it was quite likely that my friend’s Mother wasn’t working for my family anymore. «Cecília went to live with her Mother two months ago. Of course Aunt Francisca said she could stay until Father bought a house for us but her Mother was quite old and ill anyway and she decided to spend some time with her. She says she will come back when she is useful again. You know how stubborn she can be».
There was another silence and then Luz got up and said: «I better go back before someone notices I’m gone». «Wait, you’re not leaving without seeing Diogo, are you?». «Of course not...», she said faintly.
Moving over legs and arms I managed to reach Diogo and tapped lightly on his shoulder. With reflexes as fast as those of a cat he grabbed his gun and put it to my forehead. However he put it down and sighed in relief when he realized it was me. «You scared the hell out of me! What is it? I didn’t hear the call to awake...» «There’s someone here you’ll like to see».
Diogo got up and as surprised as I was at first, he gazed at Maria da Luz. «Miss Maria da Luz... How pretty you are!...» «Hello, Diogo. You’re very kind», she said politely. «I’m pleased to see you are alright». «I should congratulate you for your wedding», Diogo said, not without a tinge of bitterness in his voice.
In the excitement for being reunited with my sister, I didn’t even remember that Luz was probably married for more than a year now. «We didn’t get married yet», Luz replied. «Father got ill when we sold the manor and he’s just now beginning to get better. We will only get married when he is well». «I always thought you’d end up changing your mind», I said, somewhat disappointed. «How can you entrust your whole life to a man you don’t love? An absolutist!» «Pedro! I demand that you respect the man who’s going to be my husband! We haven’t seen each other in four years, what do you know about what I feel?» «You’re sacrificing yourself for Father. It’s not fair.» «That’s enough. It was my decision. Father would never force me. Listen, Pedro... I’m not asking you that you agree, only that you accept. You two are my family... And it’s quite possible that we won’t see each other again for another long period of time. Let’s not part in anger, please». «You’re right...», I said, still a bit annoyed. «I’m sorry».
Maria da Luz hugged me and I could see that she closed her eyes and parted her lips when Diogo kissed her hand. Then she left us. We watched her until she was no longer visible but she never turned around to wave goodbye. Although I couldn’t see her face, I could feel that she was crying.
When we were left alone, Diogo sat on the sand and gazed at the sea as if I wasn’t there. «Are you thinking about Maria da Luz?», I asked as I sat too. «Miss Luz? Why would I be thinking of Miss Maria da Luz?» «You don’t have to lie to me. I know how you feel about my sister». «All I feel about your sister is great respect. If I ever made you think it was something more than that, then I’m afraid I mislead you».
I knew that more than trying to fool me, Diogo was trying to fool himself with those words, but if a few years ago I would have had fun teasing him, right now that felt like something extremely cruel and I didn’t insist on the matter.
Anyway, before I had any chance to speak, we heard the call to awake and moments later we marched towards the city. A feeling of victory took over me as we marched on, but it wouldn’t last long. As soon as our men occupied Oporto, absolutist troops started coming from everywhere. Wherever we looked, there they were. «What the hell?...», I exclaimed. «Sir! Sir!», a sentinel shouted as he ran towards the captain. «We’re under siege!»
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